The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
