I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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