i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
