She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
