Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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