I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
