he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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