the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
