she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
