Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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