woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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