I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
