you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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