i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
