How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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