My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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