Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
