Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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