If that was your dad, he is hot
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
