i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
