Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
