Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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