are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
