Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
