dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
