Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
