i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
