Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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