so let's talk penis.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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