I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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