Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
