did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
