I want to stick my p in your. b.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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