Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You made out with two different species that night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize