he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
