So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
