I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
