does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
