i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
