smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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