Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the liver wants what the liver wants
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
