Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
