I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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