you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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