Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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