New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
