If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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