It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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