Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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