I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
