Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
