I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
